Welcome to another edition of Fantasy Five Hundred, the feature where we give a guest an imaginary £500 budget to spend on football shirts! What will they choose, new or old, quantity or quality, club or country? Let’s find out…
Today’s guest is your friend and mine, Craig (@FKMPodcast on Twitter). A big Celtic and Scotland fan, he’s the creator and host of the Football Kit Memories podcast (available on your podcast provider of choice). Despite his love of football shirts, his picks today take in some other pitch side sartorial choices, one cut was so deep I couldn’t even find a picture of anybody wearing it. Let’s start with that actually.
SCOTLAND DRILL TOP 91/93
Craig: I don’t tend to buy vintage shirts like most of the collectors I speak with on the podcast. Something about parting with 100 squid for the privilege of sharing the accumulated eau de parfum of numerous previous owner’s armpits has never appealed. I’m BNWT or not interested.
This being said, this Umbro Scotland drill top is something I’d be interested in. Umbro recently reissued pro training drill tops, and also collaborated with Pretty Green on some cobranded stuff. I dabbled with the idea of getting one but never quite got round to pushing the button. This might just scratch that 90’s revival itch.
Cost: £124.99, Total so far: £124.99
Seeing this top makes my hair stand on end. Not because I’ve got any fond memories of it, just because I can feel the man made fibres generating static even through my screen. It looks great though, in that perfect sweet spot of retro cool. The Umbro taping, classic navy and yellow colourway, this will look just as good on the terraces today as it did back at Euro ‘92. 90’s revival? It never went away.
BOCA JUNIORS AWAY 20/21
Craig: I genuinely think this is the best football shirt that’s come out in the last 10 years. I love the nod back to past Adidas designs… it’s everything you’d ever hoped for when the German brand took over from Nike in 2020. I love Boca, I love the club colours and I love Maradona. Visiting the stadium in 2019 was one of the best moments of any holiday I’ve ever had I think. They were pretty hard to get and I found this one just now on Pro Direct. But bloody hell… I can’t justify spending £70 on something I’m going to wear in the gym… can I?
Cost: £70, Total so far: £194.99
Adidas rarely do bad shirts, as do Boca Juniors, so it seems like fate that they are now working together. The zig-zag stripes on the front a nod to the classic Adidas template used at Boca in ‘89, most notably shared with the West Germany side that won the World Cup at Italia ‘90. £70 is a snip for one of the most stylish aways of the 20/21 season.
PSG ELITE TRACKSUIT 21/22
Craig: Let’s be frank, we’re all hoping PSG fail miserably in the group stages of the UCL this year in spite of their financial doping… finishing fourth behind the likes of plucky Mancunian minnows City, domestic talent-hoarders Bayern and friendly gas-men Zenit St Petersburg or something. BUT THE DRIP IS SO STRONG. I have last years (or the year befores) full PSG x Jordan tracky and enjoy turning heads at the local corner shop when I enter demanding a pint of milk for my weetabix at 7am in the morning. Questions over wether I can (or indeed should even try) and carry this off given my advancing years are in my opinion moot.
Cost: £179.90 (jacket and track pants), Total so far: £374.89
Near £180 for a tracksuit? I don’t think those FFP bods need to look far to see where PSG’s money is coming from. To be fair though, it’s incredibly stylish, you’d expect no less from one of the most fashionable cities on earth. Craig’s right that I think everyone probably roots against PSG, but when they look this good? Je m’en fous.
AUSTIN FC HOME 2021
Craig: I went to Austin a couple of years back just before the team kicked off their ‘inaugural MLS season’ and thought it was great. It’s an easy going, liberal enclave of Texas, with solid beer, great BBQ and a bit of music history thrown in. If you do go, the temperature over there can reach the numbers not unlike Alan Partridge’s microwaved apple turnover, so pack your Piz Buin. I want to go back at some stage and visit the stadium, do a match and just generally enjoy a city I had a lot of fun in. And I’d like to do it in this shirt, which is handsomely presented by our friends at Adidas.
I’m not across the current fluctuations in the US Dollar Market Chris, but I’m happy for you to pocket any remaining budget at your local bureau de change as cover for your troubles.
Cost: $139 (around £100), Grand total: £474.89
The only Austin shirt I knew about previously had ‘3:16’ on the front, but this is nice. The crest especially: Eleven leaves represent the eleven players, the branches represent the fans holding those players up, the intertwined tree trunks represent the bond between club and city. And because Craig has gone for the more expensive ‘authentic’ shirt, that crest is going to be a wonderful heat-pressed version with all of the texture and detail missing from the lower priced ‘replica’ edition of the shirt.
Some great choices there! Big thanks to Craig for taking part, make sure to give him a follow on Twitter (@FKMpodcast) and Instagram (@footballkitmemories) and check out his Football Kit Memories podcast on all major streaming platforms, new episodes every Friday. Do you have a favourite out of his choices? How would you spend differently? Head over to Twitter to discuss! The next Fantasy Five Hundred will be coming soon!
Kit For Brains 
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